Data Goes Ballistic - condensed like your favorite brand of soup.

It's an old legend, posted to Trekiverse in 2000. So to give you a sense of scope, this is the same site that thinks Farfalla's fanfiction is award-winning. Don't know about Farfalla? You should do your research. I really wish I had a Data action figure now, just to take pictures of lulzy action figure sex.

... what?

Okay, back on topic:

This is actually pretty well-written and is an excellent "what-if", but it's going to fuck you up, man. If only it didn't focus on violent, murderous sex. I'd go on about how out of character it is for Data, but does it matter? You don't need to even know who Data is.

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Data opens up his groin and makes modifications. What does he have in store? Read on to find out:

Quote:

Before Picard could do anything, Data used the Vulcan nerve pinch on him. [Still perfect at it!] Data's cock sprung out of confinement as he unsealed his uniform and eased Picard to the floor under him. Opening the captain's mouth, he rammed his penis intoit, starting a steady rhythm.

Badump. Badump. Badump.

Quote:

As Data became more and more excited, a small drop of cum formed at the tip of his penis and fell into Jean-Luc's mouth, touching his tongue and being absorbed into the bloodstream. As Picard spasmed, in cardiac arrest, Data marvelled at the gifts his father had so casually bestowed on him.

Quote:

Data was able to make his cum any flavor he wanted to--lemon, peppermint, hot chocolate, Earl Grey Tea--so of course he could synthesize any molecules he wanted to include. These included several highly toxic compounds.

Quote:

"You will not interrupt me again, old man," Data whispered in Picard's unhearing ear.

Quote:

"You will not interrupt me again, old man"

Quote:

he loosed several wads into Picard's mouth before pushing off and letting the rest impinge on the carpet, creating a dark brown stain. Almost in a stupor from emotional overload,he collapsed onto the floor, laughing softly.

Quote:

"Tea," he chuckled, "tea."

Data would never do this. :hmm:

oh god someone stole data and replaced him with lore

This is so out of character for Dadaism it's supposed to be more abstract and have more newspaper clippings not this stupid maxxn going TEA EARL GREY HOT or whatever he does to that machine thing that sick man fucking a machine thing for a tea earl grey hot whats the world coming to men will fuck anything

Whenever I think Earl Grey, I think toxic android cum. I may have to do a dramatic reading of this fic when I get around to it.

Damnit, the computer is being all screwy on me and won't let me embed seven videos at once. That being the case I will embed the last part I uploaded, the part with the earl grey cum, you can find the rest from my youtube channel, linked to in my sig.

Ohgod the first time I read this I had no clue about anything that happened here because I didn't know a thing about TNG.

BUT NOW I'M A FAN OF THE SHOW AND OH GOD


Edit:
Way to revive dead posts, me.

Hey I remember this one. *shudder*

OOC, much? Nah.