Can't forget this one.

Can we? The title is melodramatic and everyone just posts to see themselves type.

I can't remember what I wrote the previous time we did this. I think it centred on my objection to characters like Faramir crying all over the place.

Take it as read. I hate strong males who collapse in hysterical tears the moment they get a hangnail or their significant other speaks harshly to them. It makes no sense.

Particular hatred for making the following weepy: Faramir, Spock, Elrond, Elrohir/Elladan, Avon (Blake's 7), Blake, Eroica, Klaus (!), Uhura, and any other sword waving, gun toting type.

I don't say it's impossible for these to cry, but a manly (or womanly) controlling of the urge to weep is probably a lot stronger in fiction than actual tears. At most a single tear down the damask cheek. Sobbing and crying like a baby...well, not convicing.

Even if it were vaguely, possibly canonical - which it isn't - I really, really don't think that Holmes/Watson slash is as simple as 'they secretly like each other, something happens, GAY SEX'. What about Mary Watson, what about Holmes being described many times as being 'cold' or 'unemotional', what the HELL ABOUT IT BEING AGAINST THE LAW AT THE TIME.

It's not that I'm against H/W slash (although actually, yes it totally is), but some issues cannot be ignored.

Star Trek: The Next Generation:
-Captain Picard has never flirted a male officer, he is unlikely to be gay (admittedly, he is French... )
-Captain Picard does not sling little bits of French arround much (after season 1 or so, he pretty much doesn't do it at all)
-Captain Picard likes Docotor Crusher, but since she was a fellow officer on his ship, he would keep it quite professional. Exception: the Psi 2000 virus from The Naked Now.
-Picard liked Vash, both as a woman and a fellow archieologist.
-The only women Picard has loved in his tenure aboard Enterprise are: Beverly Crusher, Vash, the head of Stellar Cartography from that one episode, and the Metamorph from that other episode.

Yea, I'll do more later.

Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken:
-Ninian is not a whiny little damsel who either needs to die for your ship or serve as a convenient damsel.
-Eliwood is not a pansy-ass-pussy waifboi.
-Hector is not the be-all, end-all of Big Bad Manly Man Manliness, but he is also not a weeping asskitten who cries into Oswin's chest while begging for comfortsex kjlhrfkgjfdgfds.
-Lyn is not a superbitch Action Grrrrl, but she's not a pathetic damsel either.
-Sain is neither a rapist, nor is he a weepy uke.
-Florina is a shrinking violet who is afraid of men, but she's not a spineless weepy wallflower who cries and flails at the very sight of a man. Also, the reason for her fear of men doesn't have to be a trauma like rape, kidnapping, abusive daddy or broken heart. Keep in mind where she lives and how she was raised.
-Priscilla is not a slut, a whore or a damsel.
-ERK DOES NOT HATE SERRA.
-Nino is young and innocent, but she's not a clueless child.
-Matthew is not someone to throw a raging hissy fit at the sight of Jaffar. Read their C support, his death threat to Jaffar is cool and collected.
-Kent and Fiora are not fun-hating sticks in the mud.
-Rath can talk.
-Wil is not a hyperactive idiot, but he's also not a weepy wrist-slitting uke.

Avatar: The Last Airbender: (Half of these apply to the fancomic that is How I Became Yours)
-Zuko is enough of a woobie in canon, there's no need to take it further by having him raped by Ozai/Jet/Zhao/Azula/dustbunnies.
-Katara is not a pathetic, weepy damsel in distress, nor is she an uberbitch. Also, she's not your self-insert Jesus Sue.
-Azula redemption is a concept I can totally get behind, but giving her a lobotomy isn't the way to do it.
-Toph isn't weepy and/or weak, no matter who she falls in love with. Also, she's not likely to let Aang "take her" their first time.
-Zuko is a dork, not a suave, dashing knight in shining armor.
-Mai is not an evil whore who hates Katara.

Pokemon:
-Jessie/James is not a sappy fairytale romance novel couple.
-Ash is not a brainless monster.
-Paul is not for fluff. Or romance, period. He's a hardass, and if he were in a relationship the romance would be on the other person's side until he made it clear he wasn't into that sort of thing.
-Misty is not your Sue, nor is she a couple-breaking bitch.
-Underage smut is not "hot". Innocent exploration is one thing, but a pre-teen Ash isn't going to have a huge penis or know exactly what to do.
-James is not a Manly Knight, but he's also not an ultrafemme. He's a silly, childlike nerd who collects bottlecaps.
-Jessie is not a damsel in distress.
-THE POKEMON EXIST.

If you must desecrate the Team Fortress 2 fandom - and what with there only being guys and Rule 63s, it's pretty blood gay - at least try to keep people from being nice. NOBODY in that game is nice. And for that matter, they're all equally gimps. Medic's a sadistic bastard even when he's a good guy, Soldier's a delusional lunatic, and Scout's really, really into beating people over the head with a metal bat.

They're ALL bastards. Equally.

Did anyone actually read any of that? I just skimmed.

I do read it. Threads like this interest the hell out of me, because I like to dig into fandoms and see why people react to them the way they do. Seeing what sane fans think of characters/tropes/plots etc. interests me even more than looking at the fanbrat take.

I just can't contribute much because my main fandom is Anne Bishop's Black Jewels books, which pretty much come pre-desecrated.

If you must DESECRATE my VERY IMPORTANT fandom with your SUB-PAR WRITING (SUB-PAR I SAY), well then I CAN'T HELP YOU because I'll be FORCED to TURN THE SHARP END (don't worry, it's not that sharp) of my WIT (or what passes for it) upon you.

Furthermore, PAIRING PAIRINGS PAIRINGS.

For some reason, I feel reminded of this cartoon.

http://xkcd.com/359/

I wonder if you realise how it applies to your insistence that people only write canon pairings.

ITT: pointless shit-stirring

Beast Wars:

* Dinobot is not gay for Rattrap. In fact he's probably the LEAST gay character in any Transformers universe, EVER. Also, he's not attractive. Also, he's not lovey-fovey. He LIVES FOR BATTLE. Not for your OC.

* Rampage and Depth Charge would give nothing less than to rip each others heads off. They are not attracted to each other. Depth Charge tracked Rampage for the purpose of ripping his sensory circuits out, not out of love.

Sonic the Hedgehog:

* While nobody's STOPPING you from pairing this guy with that guy, at least maintain their genders and species.

* Please, Tails doesn't have two cocks. Please? I've seen that one. It's AWFUL. And he doesn't have a cock and a vagina either. HE CANNOT FUCK HIMSELF.

* Sonic's fandom is just perfect for OCs, but at least could you not make them a hedgehog?

* Knuckles is the only Echidna. Stop giving him girlfriends of his own species! Or at least THINK of a good reason.

Tranformers:

* Starscream HATES Megatron. Megatron HATES Starscream and we're not entirely sure why he puts up with such a whiny little bitch. If they're going to have sex, at least remember that!

* None of them are secretly anything.

Yes. None of the Decepticons are secretly anything.

By "Secretly anything" I mean, secretly able to bear children, secretly in love with somebody, secretly partially organic. That sort of thing. All the crap people come up with that Transformers are secretly.