I bet you're wondering whats so bad about a fic called "Cloud Mows the Lawn?" Well, your about to find out.

Our story begins with Cloud doing some lawn work when...

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Suddenly, Tifa felt a slight rumble in her stomach, but she ignored it. She was having too good of a time watching Cloud. ~Snip~ She felt her stomach rumble again, and sighed. She really didn’t want to leave. She wanted tay tay there for the longest time, watching he husband do the yard. ~Snip~ Tifa’s stomach rumbled again, louder than the first two times. She realized she had to think of what to do, and quickly. She could run and return immediately, but then she would miss some of the lawn mowing. Her second option was to stay and clean up after herself, but the fear of getting caught made her feel uneasy. This feeling caused her stomach to rumble more. Tifa looked down. The floor was a brand new and very expensive tile floor. It was not a very pleasant idea for her to mess it up. “Whatever,” muttered Tifa. “When a girl has to shit, a girl has to shit!”

Tell it like it is. Then Tifa goes to the bathroom andf does her business with a lovely describetion of your excrements:

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A crackling sound filled her ears as the turd finally slid out of her body. It was a hard one, dark brown and compressed together. And boy did it stink. Tifa didn’t mind the smell of her own droppings, but she knew it would be difficulty to get away with this.

Then Cloud comes, gets turned on and helps out.

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Tifa immediately jumped up in shock. She was so focused on expelling what was in her gorgeous bowels that Cloud finished the lawn and came up to the bedroom. So there she was, standing there, in a white t-shirt, white socks, red sneakers, and no pants or underwear, and with five inches of shit sticking out of her ass in front of the love of her life. Tifa began to cry, and Cloud approached her and hugged her. She didn’t care her shirt became drenched with his sweat. She wanted her man. She even felt a bulge in his pants, and realized that her taking a dump turned him on. To Tifa’s surprise, Cloud turned her around and lowered her onto her hands and knees. Tifa was puzzled at first, wondering what he would do, but that puzzle was soon solved as Cloud guided his dicwardward her anus and the shit that hung from it. Cloud moaned as Tifa’s warm poo mashed against his dick. They had had anal sex many timesbefore, but never with a huge turd stuck in Tifa's ass! Suddenly, Cloud’s dick set the poo that had been stuck in Tifa’s ass free. Tifa’s rectum expelled turdturd. Tifa farted again, and Cloud felt a pleasant breeze on his member. “Thanks!” exclaimed Tifa. “Hey, no problem,” said Cloud. “I’m going to shower. Wanna get in there with me?

End of chapter one. There are 3 more chapters. http://ff.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=1371

I'll never forget this fic no matter how hard I try. And I've tried, believe me. D:

"Gorgeous bowels"?

"Turdturd"?

"Pleasant breeze"?

You just made me cry.

Sorry for the necro-post, but if anyone would like it read out loud to them, Bennett The Sage is quite willing to risk mental damage to do it.

Yuck, who the hell writes something like that? I hope for the sake of the author that this was written when on drugs, because if not that is a seriously fucked up person. Also the title of this fic is definitely the most misleading I've ever seen. I wish cloud had just mowed the lawn, sat down and had a nice tin of beer.

Raine wrote:

Sorry for the necro-post, but if anyone would like it read out loud to them, Bennett The Sage is quite willing to risk mental damage to do it.

There are some fics I will most likely never get the courage to do a reading of, and this fic is one of them. He's a braver person than I if he is serious about tackling this monstrosity.

OMG. The candy bar >_____< I won't be eating one of those for a while.

I watched the whole thing and actually got nausea afterward. That's never happened before... O_o

Someone link BR to James Joyce's love letters, please.

noooooooooooooooo james joyce get away from meeeeeeeeeeeeee

I never really had a problem with this one compared to all the other stuff in GAFF's GO section. Everybody's so happy, you know? No rape, no humiliation, no hatred... truly a fic from a more innocent time.

When you look at things like PRED or Celebrian or the Agony series or Subjugation this one is really not that bad in its depiction of events. It's still pretty terrible by itself, but it's so far removed from anything resembling FFVII that the characters are OCs with FFVII names and I just can't get worked up about the characterisation.

This fic has the same trainwreck quality as Palahniuk's Guts even though scat is about the only fetish that I really can't stand. You have to keep reading just to see how much worse it can get.

I listened to somebody reading it. The last flimsy strips of my innocence have been stripped away by reading it. It made me want to cry, but I didn't. I am strong.

I AM A MAN!

Naw. He had some serious fetishes going on there, but he didn't publish these for all to read. They were written for only one person to read, and apparently his wife liked a mix of omgnasty and flowery prose.