Okay, I linked to this big ol' ball o' crazy back on HoBFF. Re-visiting it now, it's just as crazy as ever...

First up, we have the thread where the lovely ladies discuss when Michael lost his "Virginality".

Quote:

Me and my friend where just having a chat about MJ and this popped up lol, wondering what you think?

I don't want to think about it, honey.

Apparently, the ladies at MJJ Dream World discuss many things about Michael, including "What is it about Michael that makes you like him, out of all the other guys?"

Quote:

OMG..i'm soooooooooo mixed in emotions right know...and proper emotional...I HOPE MICHAEL KNOW'S HOW MUCH HE IS LOVED...THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THIER KISSING HIM GOODNIGHT AND PRAYING FOR HIM THAT HE WILL NEVER KNOW..........**********long sigh******************

Are they kissing him goodnight on the astral plane?

There's also the burning question of whether Michael was ever attracted to Debbie Rowe in a physical way (the board's consensus seems to be that he liked her as a friend and looked past her physical appearance), and then there's this rather creepy topic of what YOU would do if you caught Michael Jackson jerking off:

Quote:

Say Michael invited u over to his house and u woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom but you hear sharp moans and his bedroom door was cracked and u saw an image of Michael masterbating and moaning " Oh (YOUR NAME) oh yes baby I need you, yes baby, oh yes don't stop!!!!"

Uhh, run away screaming in horror?

Some (horrifying) replies:

Quote:

What I would do? I would jump to his bed and give him all he wants.

Quote:

dear lord i would faint...regain consience c him again...faint...get up...try breathing...walk over to him with wobbly knees and yell "FUCK ME!" yes i got excited

Okaay.... Now, on to what the members of MJJ's Dream think about when they schlick it:

Quote:

do you girls masturbate thinkin about Michael? i often do and it's always so good! like, when i don't think of Michael when i cum it's good, but it's not THAT good... but when i'm masturbating and thinkin that michael is fuckin me it's a hundred times better! i cum so hard and it's amazing... i always whisper his name when i'm cummin, i can't help it... xD it's incredible how michael has got such an effect in our bodies even though he's like thousands of miles away... LOL

And that's just the opening post. The horror continues:

Quote:

It's the same with me. When I do it, I ALWAYS think about Michael, there is no exception to that! He is just so good to think about, the images of him make you wild.

Quote:

.....................H*ll yeahhhhhhh,no masturbation without Michael! Mhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,just the thought of his big hands and fingers slowly travelling down there,ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god!!!!!

BAD MENTAL IMAGES

Quote:

I definately do think of michael. Everyday i run the water on me in the tub and think of michael down there and I say his name when...... well u no lol!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!

Quote:

oh...the moans and sounds he makes in his throat...in the ghosts version of 2bad....this deep throat sound he makes...I could have an orgasm right there....oooh and listening to the beginning dialogue of I Just Can't Stop Lovin You.....as horny as I am, I'm still a romantic at heart...LOL BOTDF just listening to those sounds...mmmmm it drips sex...and watching how fast he can move those fingers of his.... grrls..(and select beautiful men out there) is he not the finest piece of ass we'll never have or what?!

No. No he is not.

Okay, on to the threads I selected for mockery the first time I posted this awful site back on HoBFF, and those are the thread discussing the size of Michael Jackson's penis (comes complete with fellatio smilies!) and how good Michael Jackson would be in bed.

From the penis size discussion:

Quote:

id say 9 or 10 inches

Quote:

I heard that Lisa Marie said that his stuff is 9.5 inches

Quote:

Hi, I'm new here but I just had to comment. I bet he's about 8 or 9 inches...man that's big, I wish I could make sure though.

Quote:

I would think about 8 inchs. DAMMMNNN Lisa was lucky!! I am UBER jealous of her!! Yea...8 inchs..I mean the goldpants did show me that michael is a BIG boy!

Quote:

Judging by the pictures I've seen, I would say 9-9,5. My boyfriend's got an 8 inch and it looks that Michael is slightly bigger... My boyfriend isn't black. As for Lisa Marie, big boys don't mind if you actually do take out a measuring tape... The bad thing about that is that you really can't do it in all the kamasutra ways because it just hurts, but in time you learn the best ways. From my experience I can say that me on top hurts a lot more than me on bottom. It goes so deep when you're on top and you need good muscles to be able to hold yourself high enough all the time... So with Michael I would also prefer me on the bottom.

There's something just sad about the above post...

Quote:

I would say 8-9 inches *ouch* prbably hurt GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!

And from the how good he would be in bed discussion:

Quote:

To me i think he is a very passionate lover. I imagine him starting off slow and gentle but then unleashing all of his naughty fury towards the end. Personally i think mike is an undercover freak!!!

Wow, ya think?

Quote:

You know, I agree. At the start I think he's slow and gentle, to set the mood in, with a lot of kissing, caressing maybe some sweet talking here and there... But later if he sees that his woman wants to take it further, he unleashes the hidden tiger But in overall, I think everything depends from his mood.

Too bad that the ladies of MJJ Dream World board will never get to discover the tiger hidden within MJ, since he's dead. They're bewailing that, too:

Quote:

I didnt go to work either... I couldnt, Im devastated, I cant stop crying.. I guess Our hearts will go on.

Just like Celine Dion said, honey.

Quote:

I feel so lonely....and sad that we wont hear any new material from him. I haven't been eating much, i've been crying a lot, and all i want to do is watch the news to learn more. It's so surreal. i honestly feel like this is all an awfull awful publicity stunt from Michael. Too sad to be true. ..

Because celebrities never croak, or anything like that.

Quote:

I think my heart will remain a little numb. It haven't felt like this since my great-grandmother died.

Quote:

I am bordering numbness and unbearable grief... just because the loss for the world, and all the projects, songs, short films, movies, things he was going to release, the stories that can never be told. There never was a star as big as him, and there never will again. That's so depressing to me... I mean, who are we supposed to emulate now?

Quote:

My life has already changed, there is an emptiness in my heart and a part of my soul has died with Michael. I know death is a part of the journey of life, but for Michael he was taken too soon. I can barely function, I don't do anything and barely do errands around the house, I just want to go to sleep and see Michael in my dreams and not wake up. Getting through the day is a struggle. All I think about is how am I gonna deal with this? What's for the future? It's like nothing else matters as much anymore, whether it's work or social things, I don't even want to find true love with a mate because Michael was the one I loved.

...Okay, that's just fucking disturbing and wrong.

Quote:

June 25, 2009: I lost a hero, a friend, a father, a brother, a lover.

... Likewise, there's nothing I can really say to that, either.

One can only hope that some primitive version of Skynet is watching, and recording who these people are, so that, come doomsday, they will recieve special thermonuclear attention.

Don't these people know that the myth about black men having extra long dicks is just that, a myth? The average black man is, um, average.
Also, girth is more important than length. You can reach all the important bits with a two inch finger.

Is there any evidence that his marriage to Lisa Marie was actually consumated?

^
She said so. I believe her, because sex with MJ is not something to brag about.

Oh, poor Lisa Marie. Woman needs help.

LOOOOL:

Quote:

I am still in doubt- what if that's Navi that died and Michael is alive and well- just what if... I mean, Michael is the biggest and best, he can't die because he was never even mortal. He's never been of the earthly plane....but of the heavens.

Ignoring for a moment the idea that Michael Jack would be an appealing sexual partner, wasn't he pretty fragile towards the end of his life? Something tells me he wouldn't have been the wild tiger in bed that these women are imagining.

Not to mention that as the years and surgeries went by he looked more and more like something out of an Iron Maiden CD cover.

Yesterday I made a pizza and I'm sure the face of Michael Jackson appeared in the dough. It was a twisted parody of the human form, anyway.

Just clicked the link in Malganis' post for something to do, a poster has this to say about their post count.

Quote:

I want to post another post here but if I only post that then I'll have posted 129 post. And I hate number nine. It took three minutes when the ambulance came and he didn't breath. And they tried to give him CPR about six minutes. That's why I don't want to have posted 129 posts in here.

If it was another forum I'd say " WTF?" but people who wanted to shag Jackson probably have all sorts of weird traits.

(snip)

I'm waiting for my registration confirmation email. In the meantime, I'mma moonwalk outta here.

Any fanfic site that features a story titled "Jody The Prostitute" can DEFINITELY be classified NSFW.

Dude.
I'm not even a fan of the guy, and I feel sorry for him having a fanfiction site. As if I should be surprised.

Nil seriously needs to post some of the fics here. I was thinking of venturing in the fic section, but never did. Too scary.

Thank you Malganis.

*Goes over to look.*

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Now, where is my spoon.

*carves out eyes*

Much better!

From this post:

Quote:

My life is entirely consumed by you,my entire being revolves around you. In my world you are mine and I am yours. My peculiar world is slightly different then the world of most. When does a fantasy become reality? When does a dream become eternal? God is this normal?! Will I ever fall in love with someone like him? Is he truly my soulmate? Are we meant to be together in another life? Or am I just crazy and obsurd? So many questions,so many thoughts,so many emotions pounding in my heart. I'm in love,true love.Yes finally I found the one,but he is dead. Shall I remain faithful and live my life in this beautiful dreamy world of mine or be strong and face reality?

Questions: how many "soul mates" does Michael Jackson have and are they all married to him on the astral plane or in another life/dimension?

This is more disturbing.

Quote:

As darkness falls upon the sky I lay my head on my empty bed.

Where's the rest of you, on the floor? Can't the rest of your body fit on the bed?

Quote:

I close my eyes and dream of you as a silent tear rolls down my cheek.

Oh great, the Single Tear™, beloved trademark of Sues everywhere.

Quote:

A loud moan echos through the room,i can't tell if its of lust or sadness.

Please let it be sadness, please let it be sadness...

Quote:

My body longs for your touch,as it gets more aroused by the minute. I groan of sexual frustration and desire. I cry as I realize no one can ever fullfill me like you.

FFS, the man didn't even know you existed. Grow the hell up, throw away your extra-large dildo that you named "MJ" and actually try for something real.

These people are pathetic. How can you get so caught up in your lust for someone who isn't even real--oh wait, MJ did actually exist. Although in a way he actually didn't.

They don't even know the guy, and if what they do know is about as loopy as what I do...how can you lust after someone like that??? Christ, they probably have posters of the guy all over their bedrooms...sticky posters. Yuck.

I never get idolization, I'm just too level-headed to adore anyone like that, but this is frankly disturbing.

First of all bitch why the fuck are you going searching for Michael Jackson sites for anyway? and second of all you have to sign up to see our posts on there so obviously you signed up for it

third of all read bitch for Michael Jackson fans not haters so if you a hater you go create yourselves another hate site and go post all of your hateful bull on there and leave my friends

along MJ fans except your for who you are they are kind and they are sweet and they all have big hearts you have know idea how many lives hes saved the stores i hear on there about

how his music saved her from slitting her wrist how he gave them a new life to live when they were all alone hated themselves felt as if no on cared then they became changed by MJs music most of them even hold hand during his songs so you can go spread your hate else where because

no matter how hateful of a person you are love will always conquer hate i love listening to there stories im a ex self harmer myself and they all inspire me the site is the most amazing most awesome site ever made on the Internet so i would really appreciate it if you would leave my friends alone thank you.