Because our forum isn't fully broken in until we start posting the classics.

Star Trek: The Next Fornication

Let me have a crack at this.

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There are scenes of single sex, couples sex, bisexual sex, trisexual sex....

Does trisexual mean you'll try anything?

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This story is copyright 1991 by JRDIV.

Hold on, since when does fanfic get copyrighted?

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He and Deanna Troi once had a fling, but she dumped him for growing a beard. "When you eat my cunt, I can't tell where I end and you begin," she had offered as a reason....

OK, they had a sexy shaving scene in one of the movies together,
I'll give you that. But I can't see Deanna saying "cunt".

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"I'll paddle that cute, tight ass -- later, when it's quiet," Riker thought to himseslf.

He couldn't bear to paddle an ass that farted. And we have typo!

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Wesley, however, due to his inexperience, would poke his cock into anything that was wet -- if he ever came across anything that was wet, and if it would let him. His previous experience had been limited to jacking off and fooling around with a tent-mate on a holodeck camping trip.

Wesley was inexperienced, except for his experiences.

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"Captain, I'm don't think we should be so COCKsure and STIFF as we RAM into this sector. Readings inDICKate there might be lifeforms aHEAD," the doctor said.

Why does everyone talk like a 12 year old who thinks peppering their speech with
vaguely and/or explicitly sexual words is funny?

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"Accessing. . .blowjob. Ah! A term used to describe the oral stimulation of the male sex organ, hopefully by a female. Going down, swallowing the salami, tube steak boogie, slurping the sausage, giving head, tooting the flesh tuba, playing the skin flute, playing the furry harmonica. . ."

Finally, someone in character! (OK, season 1 Data.) Can't believe this
guy completely forgot to mention that Yar and Data got it on once. (Yar was under
the influence of a space virus.) Wouldn't "furry harmonica" apply more to going
down on a woman?

And that's all I can stand for right now.

For starters, I've known of the infamous surprise sex quote but have never read this thing. So I am reading this, and I go into gigglefits. Spreadlegs. Virgin territory... massaging consoles. Coaxing their instruments. Pulsing massive columns.

Also: emoticon is relevant.
:glompfuck:

I think my favourite part is Deanna Troi, the half-Trapezoid with five holes instead of the usual three, who can "finger and dildo her cunt to the feelings of the fuck lust of everyone on the ship at night".

Also

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"Yes, Captain. I can feel the lust and the distraction she is feeling in her horniness," Deanna said. "She is in definite need of a good porking."

and

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"I didn't expect a sort of Altarian Inquisition!" Riker responded. The crew looked around sharply and expectantly for a few seconds, but nothing happened. "Damn," said Lieutenant Michael Palin.

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