this one pairing

sucks

I keep getting videos recommended to me on YouTube that are tributes to romance pairings, just a means for someone to scream, "THIS IS WHAT I FAN-BRAT". And sometimes the pairing is utterly illogical.

Like for Xiaolin Showdown, Kimiko Tohomiko and Jack Spicer.

To be perfectly honest, Kimiko would rather wipe her ass with gravel wrapped in bible pages than go out with a Goth-wannabe wimp like Jack Spicer. There is nothing redeeming about Jack Spicer that would give Kimiko any kind of reason to fall for him. Jack would have a wet dream about Nickolaus Pacione than he would about Kimiko.

Let me say this: I loathe the Lupin/Tonks pairing in "Harry Potter". While it had its followers when only five books were out, there weren't so many. No sooner did Rowling herself write it (very badly I might add) when all of a sudden that small fanbase became huge. Marrying them off and making them have a kid together only made it worse.

The excuse is almost always the mere fact that it's canon. Or the kid, a character whose addition was only because Rowling chickened out of killing Arthur Weasley like she planned but still had this need to "take a father"- thus reducing Tonks (who really could have been so much more) to being nothing more than a baby-mama and replacing the Remus of the fifth and third books with a pod person. Yet in HP fandom, everyone loves the kid for no real justifiable reason and will brand you as a heathen if you don't love him, too. The exception being here, and even then some fanbrat reported the post and the mod (a fellow fanbrat, no doubt) promptly posted a reprimanding note that reads as though said mod didn't actually read the post through.

And of course, it matters not that Lily/James is canon and produced a child. And their child isn't just some throwaway character glorified by rabid fanbrats, either. And no, it wasn't written well (because Rowling was too busy "redeeming" Snape) either, but it was established in the first book and actually essential (and only became controversial after that one Snape-sympathy invoking scene in the fifth book). Yet no "poor Harry, it's not his fault people don't like that his mom and dad got together". Nor is the mere fact Lily/James is canon ever used in its favor. I mean, WTF, HP fandom?

Okay, so even if it was not written badly, I could still never get behind this pairing. Someone of Lupin's age and personality (even in his Marauder days, he was still a nerd so to speak) with someone of Tonks's age and personality bothers me, especially with the female being of Tonks's age and personality. That this pairing occurred to anyone, even Rowling, is just...

ETA: while looking for spork material, I found this from a fanbrat who supports this pairing. Ironically, it sums up exactly why I hate it.

Quote:

Lupin is a 40ish, reserved academic (his only confirmed job in canon is a teacher) and Tonks is a 25ish outgoing punk chick. Obviously this doesn't necessarily translate to compatible personalities, but there is the humor value.

Humor value? More like, squick value.

On the subject of HP fandom, I can't get my head around Draco/Harry or Draco/Hermione. First pairing, those two hate each other. Always have, ever since their first day at school. It's even stated in the first book that Harry has conteplated that Malfoy might be worse than Dudley, who had been bullying Harry non-stop for nearly ten years. Second pairing, I doubt Hermione would want anything to do with somebody who called her the magical equivalent of the n-word. And the fact that neither Hermione nor Harry are purebloods rules out any last lingering chance. (If Malfoy is bigoted against muggleborns, I doubt he likes half-bloods either). Add the fact that most of those fics aren't so much lemons as bottles of lemonade, and you get what I'm on about. I'd guess that Cassandra Claire is responsible for most of it. To me, Draco Malfoy will always be a spiteful bully who found himself in too deep after joining Voldemort.

Mind you, that doesn't mean it can't be funny. (*coughMyImmortalcough*)

Italycest or Germancest in Hetalia.

Incest isn't 'kawaii' in the real world, what makes it 'kawaii desudesu so hott!!!!111~!q1' in fanfiction? It makes me ill. Since so much character destruction has to go into these pairings to even remotely make them work, it also has no basis in canon. Unless you want to point to the episode where Italy and Romano shared a bed, but since Italy does that with -anyone- who'll let him, it really has no basis. Let's just ignore the fact that he does the same thing with Germany so our squicky incest pairing will work (tralalala)!!!

There's a lot of weirdo pairings in TF fandom that I don't get AT ALL.

Prowl and Jazz, for instance. I don't think they ever so much as looked at each other in the cartoon. Though I have to say, some of the batshit crazy ones, like this Skyfire/Omega Supreme one I read, actually made sense.

Though I've still found no justification for the likes of Hound/Cheetor.

Also, while doing research for this post, I found this awesome story summary: "Starscream loves Alexis but worries for her health every time she gets Prego"

Pyramid Head from Silent Hill/Anybody. It makes no sense unless your Sue (or Stu) is a suicidal psychotic whose main desire in life is to end up impaled on a giant sword (and I'm talking impaled in the literal sense, not the figurative.) Add to that you have no idea what's underneath the helmet (though I've always personally suspected it has tentacles and no eyes) and the fact his favorite thing to do is stab people, and I really doubt there's a scarred, sensitive loner than no one understands underneath that leather butcher's apron and dustbin hat. Just pure insensate evil.

Mark and Angel in the RENT fandom.

why.

seriously, why.

that pairing makes absolutely no goddamn sense. Mark is carrying a torch for Maureen for basically the entire play, and Angel and Collins are shown as undyingly committed to one another up until (and after) Angel's death. in addition, it's never even implied that Mark and Angel are even remotely interested in each other in a romantic sense. there's literally nothing in the story that would allow you to make that assumption.

the comment most fanbrats will make when this is brought up is that "he mentions Angel in the funeral scene, and during What You Own he says her name like, a lot!"

the reason he mentions Angel during the funeral scene is because EVERYBODY ELSE DOES. it's a GROUP EULOGY. and as far as What You Own is concerned, he's not saying her name that much because he's thinking about her romantically (which would be beyond creepy anyway because she's dead by that point in the show), but because he's reflecting on the events of the past year.

RAAAEG