I don't know if this is worthy of a separate thread, but it didn't seem to fit into any existing ones. Sometimes you come across an author who has a strange way of saying something, which is not necessarily wrong, but definitely not right. For example, this line in a story I just read, which was otherwise standard fluffy romance:

Quote:

And that was when fate decided to take a dump on him.

It's entirely possible that this author is not a native English speaker, and I can definitely see what the author intended, but it still amused me greatly. What are some awkward, unfortunate, not-intentionally-suggestive phrases that you've read?

I was revisiting a Resident Evil Wesker/Jill fic, specifically the chapters before the characterization got too implausible, when I saw this.

Quote:

Brows knitting, his frozen expression finally broke as Wesker finally spoke. "Would be difficult to track you down to keep my promise if you were dead or a human slave in Mexico, my dear."

Somehow, I don't think it's a reference to Hitler's vegetarianism in a foreshadowing of RE5's genocidal Wesker

God forbid she be some other type of slave. ( )

Does "And now, the sex!" count?

In a story that I beta-read no less than nine times before it scaled the dizzy heights of "not quite as bad as version one, but still dreadful..."
Mary Sue sees a strange-looking vehicle:

Quote:

"She noticed the [strange-looking vehicle], which had her giving off weird looks, it looked like a tank."

Another writer who isn't bad per se, but has her (?) moments.

From chapter 4 of this Silent Hill slashfic. The author goes to great lengths to exaggerate Silent Hill 4's Henry's shyness, culminating in this:

Black-Rogue-Fairy wrote:

He was almost to the red zone of how much human contact he could handle that day.

Because the way she went all-out on this matter, I can't help but think of this in the most literal manner possible: Henry is now a sim with an inverted social bar.

It was all going so well until...

Quote:

Laura eased her eyes open and looked around groggily. James had all the blinds shut in the house, including the ones in his bedroom, and for an hour or two it had her believing it was still nighttime. But now she really couldn't argue with her biological clock, as it kept saying that the sun should have been up a long time ago.

Let's not forget...

Quote:

Volfemort has him bondage!

From a sample question in a CAHSEE practice book:

Quote:

The dog bit the boy's ankle riding a bicycle.

Now, tell me, kids, what's wrong with this sentence?

I think it was sporked on GAFF and Golden Oldie'd on the House, yeah. Doesn't seem to be on this one.

Yeah, we found Muhammad/Jesus of Nazareth slash.

Nothing hurts anymore.