R. Kelly, ever the champion of women's rights wrote:

Never felt nothing like this, Shes more than a mistress enough to handle my buisness, Now put that girl in my kitchen

Yes, this horrific tripe is actually a song. A real song, written in complete earnest, by R. Kelly (unsurprising), Tyreese (disappointing), and some other guy that used to be SO FUCKING AWESOME before he inexplicably started sucking, and hard.

But let's stray from finger-waggling at misapplied/lost talent and get into these awesome lyrics, shall we?

Quote:

Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant, Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant, Lay your body down and get you pregnant, Knock you up, pregnant, Knock you up

The chorus. And trust me when I say that this is the least horrific part of this song.

Quote:

All the pretty ladies please line up right next to me, How would you like to go on a little trip with your boy Tyrese, Raise your hand if you want me to fulfill your fantasy, I can have you co-starring and get in one of my new movies, Tell me what your name is, I can make you famous,

Because if there's any one thing you want the mother of your child to be part of, it's raunchy drunken porn! :D

Quote:

Around the world in and out of clubs hanging with chicks and I don't see nothing wrong with having a kid

Also, philandering douchebags who are at the club every night are the perfect candidates for fatherhood. Trufax.

Quote:

if you choose me i guarantee the rest of your life will be mad drama free ooooo ooooo ooooo i think both of us should leave this club and get somewhere alone with me where there's no phone to ring and plant this magic seed

No.

Quote:

Your House, my House, don't matter, get it up Your city, my city don't matter, give it up Something about being with you makes me wanna a baby Put those pills on chill and girl give me my baby

NO.

Quote:

Oh girl imma take care of you imma still hold you like we are brand new So don't get it twisted for thirty something weeks i'm still gonna hit it babysit it babysit it

Wat.

Quote:

Let's go crazy Let's make a Little Kelly

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] border="0" alt="" />


Fuck I can't do this anymore.

Does the movie he's going to make me a star in involves golden showers?

I want to get R. Kelly pregnant.

And by pregnant I mean dead.

The worst part is that this song is dedicated to his 14 year old baby momma. Who he also pissed on.

Spoilers: the midget got her pregnant.

Er, I mean the midget's the baby's daddy; woo.

I never thought anything could possibly surpass Smell Yo Dick in terms of sheer trashiness. Looks like I was wrong.

BAYBEEZ = LUV RITE?

Bamshalam wrote:

Quote: All the pretty ladies please line up right next to me, How would you like to go on a little trip with your boy Tyrese, Raise your hand if you want me to fulfill your fantasy, I can have you co-starring and get in one of my new movies, Tell me what your name is, I can make you famous, Because if there's any one thing you want the mother of your child to be part of, it's raunchy drunken porn! :D

Not to mention the fact that she apparently got the role by screwing him. Roll across the casting couch, anyone?

Quote:

Around the world in and out of clubs hanging with chicks and I don't see nothing wrong with having a kid

Yeah, it's a hot fashion accessory, dontchaknow.

Quote:

if you choose me i guarantee the rest of your life will be mad drama free

...can I have that in writing?

Quote:

i think both of us should leave this club and get somewhere alone with me where there's no phone to ring and plant this magic seed

...You're Jack planting his magic beans, then?

Quote:

Oh girl imma take care of you imma still hold you like we are brand new So don't get it twisted for thirty something weeks i'm still gonna hit it babysit it babysit it

...

What does the above even mean?! It's like it's English and I should be understanding it but I'm not. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] border="0" alt="" />

I suppose we can expect the smash hits "Where's My Dinner?" and "I Only Hit You Because I Love You" soon?

Good GRIEF.

Oh, sure, songs about sex, that's great and all...

But seriously...

Quote:

Something about being with you makes me wanna a baby Put those pills on chill and girl give me my baby

"Okay buddy, here's your baby." *baby falls out of vagina* "Yeah, kids, it's THAT easy! And then they just feed and change themselves for the next 18 years!"

Since this is coming from the same guy who wrote "Bump and Grind" back in '94, I'm not entirely surprised.

Ahahahha, 'plant this magic seed', you have to be kidding me. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Mysogeny? In my rap music??

UNCANNY.