I came across this site a while back when Gaijinguy was tearing into the Salvation Wars- StarDestroyer.Net. After having a laugh or two about the forum itself, I decided to challenge myself- and boldly go where no normal human has gone before. I understood the risks of this mission- I'd be up to my nipples in nerddom. And not only any kind of nerddom; the kind that owns cum-stained technical manuals. I imagine them talking about sex in a nasally, anal-retentive voice. And mentioning sea slugs. Yeah.

So, I registered. They manually approve their accounts and so it takes a while. It took me a week, and I had to send an email to convince them that I was a human. Or rather, a mole. So I started posting- being very agreeable and friendly. I can't pretend to care about the arguments though. It's just not my cup of tea. See, I like science fiction because it's also fun. These guys get all the fun, eat it, and smear it all over their keyboards.

Havok, regarding Star Wars corsets wrote:

Honestly, either theme will look fine, craftmanship aside, if they aren't filled with some fatty troglodyte that has been convinced somehow that she looks good in it.

Translation: ALL THE FEMALE STAR WARS FANS ARE FAT AND I CANT GET LAID ITS NOT BECAUSE I AM AN ASSHOLE IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE FAT

Shroom Man on pissing in the sink wrote:

mangs, urinating in sinks is very convenient and fun, especially when it's almost on the same level as your pee-pee so you've got to aim straight rather than down, but it is so easy to "flush" it because of the faucets, so it is not at all difficult and just doing it in the kitchen sink when you feel the urge and when nobody is looking is way easier and less troublesome than going all the way to the bathroom to do it

Hey, I have a fairly nasty looking bachelor pad at the moment, but THE KITCHEN IS FOR FOOD DUMBASS.

someone on an NX-01 redesign for a frackin' calendar wrote:

poorly positioned impulse drives.

someone forgot to put the "fiction" in "science fiction". In other words, who cares?

someone else regarding the NX-01 redesign on the frackin' calender wrote:

Why is it that whenever the issue of naval design in Trek comes up someone always ignores the canon fact that they use one magic field to allow the ship to accelerate/deccelerate like a dragonfly, and another magic field to let it travel faster than light? Start a debate about warp field geometry, anyone.

This. Is like shitting in the sink, for me.

someone on about something wrote:

Why? You could make an argument for taking the statements of writers/directors of individual episodes/movies as relevant to canon because they presumably know what their specific intentions were for ambiguous lines of dialog or special effects. But Roddenberry didn't write the vast majority of Trek episodes and he didn't own the franchise--so far as I understand how TV production works, he stopped owning the franchise the minute he signed the contract with Desilu. It's not like SW where Lucas not only wrote the movies, but he owns all the rights to them through Lucasfilm. So why would the word of a guy who didn't write most of the episodes and didn't own the franchise be given any special weight? Yeah, he created it, but TV isn't like a novel or the movies or theater; the storyline is a collaborative effort, not the work of one guy.

Blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

someone boring wrote:

I think that's a bit much. I think you have to give VFX highest credence except in situations where there was an obvious mistake (the phaser fired from the photon torpedo tube in "Darmok", for instance). I was thinking things more like why Gary Mitchell spelled Kirk's name as "James R. Kirk" in "Where No Man Has Gone Before" (answer: he made a mistake). If you start allowing things like, "Um, the Founder's Planet really was destroyed, we just didn't know what it was supposed to look like", you open the door to the writers changing whatever they want after the fact (not to mention megabytes of incredibly pointless and stupid arguments over what one writer really meant). I like to think of it as the "Chewbacca is really blue" rule. Imagine if George Lucas said on a director's commentary, "Oh, Chewbacca is actually blue." If your method of interpreting the text (such as it is) would result in you having to accept Chewbacca's blueness as canon, then there's probably something wrong with your method.

brb yawning.

So anyway, the real reason I joined is because guests can't see the goods in the "Adult Relationships" forum. It's pretty funny that a site like this would have a forum for this kind of thing. Go figure, right?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Maybe it'll be the lone interesting subforum.

So I click, and am greeted with this interesting list of topics. No jokes about nacelles or lightsabers just yet. NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE? ASK THESE GUYS ON AN ONLINE SCIENCE FICTION MESSAGEBOARD WHO OWN CUM-STAINED TECHNICAL MANUALS.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
notice on the bottom how it says "About Calling Girls." CALL THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO SHOW YOU CARE.

Okay, so I put on my radioactive suit and walk into a topic. "How to approach women". 4 pages of BAWWW I AM AN ASS BURGER THE GIRLS WON'T LIKE ME AND I HATE CHICKFLICKS AND I DON'T WANT TO BATHE!

And then the rare female poster walks in and says "We're people too, stop assuming things about us!" Wash, rinse, and repeat.

Quote:

#1 You simply point out to her [if she gets bitchy] that she is asking you a question based off her grammar/phrasing, if she is venting then mark it as such. #2 How is solving the problem exactly saying you don't care - she should be aware that you answering her problem is caring enough for her to help her with this 'problem'.

Quote:

Ahh, that. Socialization and the pre-existing neurology are factors. I remember reading on the structure of female brains, yeah as Darth Wong said, they can't help themselves.

Quote:

If women really loved men just as much as men loved women: Why is it men that generally pay for dates? Why do men traditionally take most of the initiatives? Why do some women expect men to buy them so much stuff on Valentine’s Day? Why do so many women expect flowers, spa treatments, boxes of chocolate, and other gifts from men? Don’t men also deserve these things? Shouldn’t Valentine’s Day include both genders? Why do women generally expect men to buy them wedding rings? Are men not “special” enough to also get a ring? Why do divorced men commit suicide 10x as often as divorced women? Don’t women feel as much heartbreak after divorce? Why are 2/3 of breakups initiated by women? Are men less “likable”? Why are men traditionally objectified as disposable protectors, heroes, or breadwinners when many females seem to receive love based on their looks alone? Why do many women expect to be the ones to feel “protected” or “taken care of” like a princess or “damsel in distress”? Can’t a man expect these things too? Why are there so many more homeless men than women? Are homeless men less likely to marry and earn a woman’s love? Why is “chivalry” generally something that women expect from men? Why is the man the one expected to be the disposable “bodyguard” to get up at night if there is a loud noise? Why does society as a whole seem to have more compassion for “women and children” than men? Why do many women expect “crying privileges” and a shoulder to cry on at any moments notice? Why do many women perceive a man’s tears and vulnerability as “weakness”? Do women have any “protective instincts” for their men in the same way that some people claim that men have “protective instincts” for their women? If not, does this imply that women love men less than vice versa? After all, we tend to put more effort into protecting the things in life we value more. Do women love their children more than their husbands? Is a woman’s “chivalry” generally reserved only for her children (or pets)? Why does a man have to “earn” his way into a woman’s bed? Why are some men willing to pay for a prostitute while women would never sleep with a gigolo even for free? Why do men (much like job applicants) compete with other men to impress a woman(when she gets to play the role of the choosy employer)? Why are so few women or feminists willing to get in the trenches and help do society’s dirty work to help reduce male injury, male disposability, and the longevity gap? Why do women and feminists seem to care more about the glass ceiling than the glass cellar? Why do women and feminists seem to care more about the so-called pay-gap (which is a myth) than the female-dominated spending gap? Why do some women expect to spend most of the money that the man made? Why are there seemingly so many more chivalrous male feminists than female masculists? Why do many men treat women as “queens” when many women treat men as “worker bees”? Why are so many men “took to the cleaners” after a divorce? Don’t men have feelings like women do? How many women are willing to support a stay-at-home husband (and let him spend a large portion of her money)? Why do “tomboys” and “daddys girls” seem to be considered charming or cute while “mama’s boys” and “jill girls” seem to elicit images of laughing stocks that still live with their parents and are too “unmanly” or “lazy” to deserve a girlfriend? Why isn’t there a phrase “take it like a woman” to go with the phrase “take it like a man”? Why do some women find it easier to slyly “support” or “thank” a man for engaging in dangerous work or war instead of actually showing real thanks by actually doing some of the dirty work themselves (after all, actions speak louder than words)?

Get a life. :headshot:

I.

I just.

I don't even.

...I just.

...Wugwuh really reminds me how irrational my irrational belief that people are reasonable at heart is a lot.

Oh my god, Nihilist, if you can show us more, I'd be delighted.

Goddamn, this is hilarious.

Did I just see 'Criteria for choosing a Girlfriend?'

OMG, Nihilist, I demand screencaps!

Wait... Nonono, I take it back! Do 'Confronting my Mother!' It has a poll and everything!

"Confronting my mother" was a ripoff. Lol u.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
How gloriously Spockish of you.

ahahaha, ahahahahaha omg.

Okay, so, here's some stuff from How Not to Talk to Women. The first post is by a woman, I'm pretty sure. God, look at this shit.

Quote:

Also, if you read it carefully, it really is a litany of what NOT to say or do if you want pussy. Now, we women know that a lot of men think/say/do these things (how can we not know?) and even the nicest gentleman is raging, horny, incoherent beast inside - but, like body odor, it is not something to be shared with others. We all have it, but being civilized demands we don't demonstrate this fact. I realize it can be difficult for men to understand that women really don't find the same things sexy they do (I keep having to tell my spouse that no, pictures of naked men do not excite me the way pictures of naked women do him - intellectually he knows this, emotionally it's still not registering) but it really, really is true. It's like your dog can't believe that you don't find week dead road-kill skunk an interesting and fascinating odor - how can you NOT find that intriguing? Here, have another sniff - isn't that amazing?

HERP HERP MY HUSBAND IS LIKE MY DOG

HERP DERP MEN AND WOMEN JUST DON'T EVER LIKE THE SAME THINGS

Then, of course, someone comes along - a male member - and says "Uh, that's more a personal thing, to be honest." Her response?

Quote:

On average men are more visually oriented in this regard. Obviously there are exceptions. Human sexuality has such a wide range of responses you'll probably find some exception to any rule you come up with. However, the sheer number of men who think a bad picture of their penis is going to attract women in droves is always amazing to me. In many ways, men are much more interested in penises than women are, and are much more interested in displaying/comparing penises than women are. This notion often squicks out homophobic men but it's not that men are desiring the penises of their fellow men as much as performing sexual displays with them. Sort of "I have a gigantic penis, therefore I am more male than men with smaller penises!" Often a mark of an insecure man as well. After all, a man with a small penis and a loyal mate and a lot of offspring is, in many ways, more successful on a biological level than a man with a giant schlong who seldom gets laid and is sterile due to that STD he picked up from a hooker a few years back.

Oh. God. PLEASE SHUT UP.

"NICE" GUYS DETECTED

SOUND THE ALARM: THEIR DIET IS DANGEROUSLY CHEESEY

I think my brain hurts.

You won't find a bigger Star Wars nerd than me, and this is on the shortlist of websites on the subject I tend to avoid, for obvious reasons. I never signed up, but I used to stop by every once in a while to watch the fucktardery. It's amazing how angry they get over rather or not their imaginary space fantasy can beat up your imaginary space fantasy. I've seen fundies get less worked up over who's religion is the right one.

Now, I kinda wish I did that Jedi Prince snark over there. I'm sure the knowledge that the Emperor fathered a three-eyed mutant would go over very well there.

Sounds like even getting an account is a pain in the ass.

Another terrible Star Wars forum with the opposite problem is the forums at theforce.net. Most over-moderated forum-Nazi-esque band of straight-laced fuckers I've ever seen.

I was there for all of three days. I got temp banned for saying "WTF." Not the phrase, "what the fuck." The letters double-yew tee eff. Don't worry, the rules say. "WT*" is a perfectly acceptable alternative. I also had to send in an e-mail at the end of my banning period to ask for my account back. Ha ha, no.

'Hallucinogenic Sex'?

Yeah, it is, unfortunately. Most of the mods there are fine, but the head admins are completely insane, and unfortunately the mods have to enforce the rules (some of them even confess they hate to).

I want to see "something WRONG with co-worker's BF". What could be so wrong that it deserves ALL CAPS?

Also, this forum vaguely reminds me of the scene in the Matrix with the eleventy bazillion Smiths. Except it's an internet forum entirely populated by Skillets.

One really has to wonder where all the stupidity went before we had the internet.

Here's some lulz from "Alternatives to Condoms". Nobody mentioned a Wal-Mart bag, and I'm sad.

Quote:

So I'm getting involved with a girl and there are concerns over fit. While I'm about average in length, girth is another matter entirely. She's concerned about the condom potentially causing things to get dry and increase the chance of damage occurring because of it. Both of us know we're clean, and she's on the pill. One thing she has suggested to use in addition to her BC pill is a thing called a Vaginal Contraceptive Film. Basically, spermicidal film she'd use to supplement the pill. Does anyone have experience with these things? Any info beyond what the website I was shown would say? Here's the website, in case my description wasn't clear: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] (not hotlinked to err on the side of caution regarding links to sites selling shit) Or would sticking with a condom be the just as good with regards to avoiding problems due to size? I'm aware of the need for foreplay and lube, of course, but she's had some problems with having sex with guys around my size before, and I'd rather minimize the risk of damage and the soreness she'll potentially have. This isn't a case of just being a bit bigger than average, either. I'm upwards of 1.75" in diameter, so I'm a bit concerned about how to best prevent the risk of tearing or anything. I'm rather inexperienced on the matter, so... Aside from taking it slow, using plenty of lube, foreplay, and the like, what can be done to prevent injuries to her? Would the alternative to the condom that she proposed be helpful?

I HAVE A BIG DICK GUYS HONEST HERE IS MY PROOF AND FUCK CONDOMS SERIOUSLY THOSE THINGS SUCK AND I GET LAID EVERY DAY. HAVE I ALSO REMINDED YOU THAT I AM HETEROSEXUAL AND ITS JUST THAT MY SHUTTLECRAFT IS TOO LARGE FOR THE LANDING DOCK URR HURR HURR

ahahahaha logging on to StarDestroyer to talk about how big your dick is

Quote:

Can I point out that a baby's head is far larger in diameter than 1.75 inches and said vagina will conceivably have a baby's head run through it at some point in the future? Well, not just the head, the entire baby, really. Vaginas have considerably ability to expand to meet demand. Lube and foreplay should be sufficient for intercourse unless there is something anatomically awry here. There should be no way your Awesome Girth Penis should "damage" her in any way if you're having normal intercourse. Soreness may occur, particularly if she hasn't had sex in awhile and you go at it for an extended period, but it should be minor at most. Make sure there has been adequate foreplay for her to be aroused, that she's not tense, be slow and gentle on first insertion. Be very generous with lube.

You can stuff babies in there, the laws of physics says so! f=ma and all that!

Quote:

Do you really need something in addition to the pill anyway? So long as it's taken as directed the pill is very reliable.

DONT YOU UNDERSTAND THERE ARE STDS IN SPACE

Quote:

I'm wondering the same thing. Is using a condom "on top" of the pill something actually many people do? I think I never encountered anyone who didn't think it's redundant. In fact, pretty much all people I know only use condoms with casual sexual encounters - and those girls not on the pill go on the pill when it becomes clear that a new relationship is more than just a fling, solely for the purpose of being able to lay off the condoms.

Wham, herpes.

Edit:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote:

On new years day, mum strained her achilles tendon jumping across a gap, and had to get a cast. I opened the door, and was shocked to see her in that agony. I helped her in, but she's going to be stuck like this until march. She's in a wheelchair, and we've all had to adjust. Our bus stop to school was moved, and my sister and I have had to take the train home more frequently. All in all, not a very fun experience at all.

THIS IS SO LAME I HAD TO TAKE THE TRAIN BECAUSE MY MOMMY ISN'T DRIVING ME EVERYWHERE. IT IS ALL ABOUT ME, ME ME. I seriously almost replied to this telling him that "maybe you should take care of her", but I don't want to get banned from the Adult Sex Advice Forum.

Edit2: fuck this shit, I'm calling this kid on his idiocy

I love how he measured the size of his dick to the second decimal. Do you suppose he eyeballed it on a ruler or got someone to help so he could be "accurate" for his problem?

I'm posting links to the non Sex Advice threads I'm quoting from.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote:

Mind you, this was a computer simulation, but I note that all the school closures/schools being wiped down with alcohol did exactly jack and shit for slowing the spread of H1N1. A feel-good measure for parents at best, and possibly making things worse by people letting their guard down (how long does it take to teach kids to cover their mouths when they make those raspy coughs of theirs).

Pray, Mr. Saavik. Klingons don't take prisoners.

Quote:

Can't speak for chitoryu12, but of the sinks I have the only one that's low enough for me to pee in without standing on my toes is the sink in the half bath and I'm 6'1". All the others are just a bit too high to make them anything but an emergency option.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote:

It is one of the most context-sensitive shows ever made, and the context isn't Christian or Kabbalistic symbology. That was just thrown in there piecemeal with little thought for broader meaning, as with most Japanese series that add on Christian aesthetics without understanding the religion. The context I'm talking about is that NGE was intended as a deconstruction of the giant robot cliches, and that Hideki Anno was going through a bout with severe depression as he handled the series. Those two facts are really the key to understanding NGE and appreciating the artistic message encoded into the "baffling" last two episodes. Though knowing about EoE also helps place those two episodes into some kind of coherent framework with the rest of the series and is probably necessary to prevent a reactive WTF feeling.

I think I need a hot shower, guys.