A long time ago, back in the yonder days of the House, there was a thread I worked on for the better part of the board’s life that told the story of the oddest piece of smut I have ever seen. The porn in question was Anal Justice 2 by Toshihiro “Sanpei Kamirenjaku” Ono. Its quirks, as detailed in that thread, were numerous - its misplaced naiveté, its fanatical ravings about penises, its phenomenally odd plot, and the fact that it was made by the same guy who wrote The Electric Tale Of Pikachu, among others. Inkweaver, bless her heart, was able to retrieve the recap in that last, frantic hour of the Houses’ life, but instead of simply reposting it here (which I still plan to do sometime along the line), I decided to give the board some new content instead.

InkWeaver expressed interest in doing a joint snark, and a target was selected; Take Me To Ariake!, another Ono manga that I had sitting on my hard drive. My approach this time is a bit different; whereas the AJ2 thread was simply a redo of an older snark I wrote for Livejournal, I’m going into this one completely blind. I have not read this manga in advance, and neither has Inkweaver, and what you see here are our pure, untamed, initial reactions to this strange, strange comic.

NOTE: One of the things we soon discovered about this one was that it has a tad more lolicon focus than AJ2.
As we are wary of the demands of the One Rule, I have personally taken the liberty of censoring the entire manga in such a way as to annihilate any possible eroticism within it.

EDIT 7/21/09: Having made our way through a sizable portion of the book so far, I can now safely say what the plot concerns. It is about a group of very horny people going to an anime convention to search for a magic sex-enhancing toilet.

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Zeiss Manifold: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS
InkWeaver: YES.
InkWeaver: As long as you go through the trouble of posting it all XD
Zeiss Manifold: HERE WE GO

Quote:

Cover

Zeiss Manifold: SUDDENLY, PERSPECTIVE
InkWeaver: AAAAH
InkWeaver: the banana boobs!
Zeiss Manifold: The monster named Ono is attacking the city!
InkWeaver: it's hiding behind that kids' face!
Zeiss Manifold: I like the look on that person on the front cover
Zeiss Manifold: "Yes, I see there are tits, but what is in it for me?"
Zeiss Manifold: WELL HOLD ON MISTER
Zeiss Manifold: CAPTAIN ONO'S GONNA SHOW YA
InkWeaver: HAHAHA
InkWeaver: I just realized the two naked chicks on the right
InkWeaver: are in the clouds
InkWeaver: above a city
InkWeaver: they are giant and naked
InkWeaver: people are staring into the GIANT VAGINAS
Zeiss Manifold: either that or they are falling from orbit

Quote:

Page 2

Zeiss Manifold: AND THE COCKS ARE SPOTTED
InkWeaver: oh god
InkWeaver: CUPS OF JIZZ
InkWeaver: WHY?
InkWeaver: Is that like their morning coffee in Ono's world?
Zeiss Manifold: this reminds me of that sharpie commercial
Zeiss Manifold: except this time the guy returned to get his revenge
Zeiss Manifold: AND LITTLE BILLY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY WAS RUINED
Zeiss Manifold: wait wait wait
Zeiss Manifold: the comic
InkWeaver: ... there are dicks
InkWeaver: swinging around
InkWeaver: in the second panel.
Zeiss Manifold: I KNOW
Zeiss Manifold: but the first three panels
InkWeaver: FOR NO REASON
InkWeaver: THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT HOUSING
Zeiss Manifold: it plays out like some sort of pornographic Japanese Archie comic
Zeiss Manifold: I mean, it's the same kind of humor
Zeiss Manifold: oh god
InkWeaver: let us juxtapose this talk of housing with an extremely interesting panel filled with dicks!
Zeiss Manifold: what would it be like if every panel was like that
Zeiss Manifold: moving on

Quote:

Page 3

Zeiss Manifold: credits
InkWeaver: is ono gay
InkWeaver: or does he just like anal sex
InkWeaver: or does he like chicks doing each other
Zeiss Manifold: i don't even know
InkWeaver: I just cannot figure this out.
Zeiss Manifold: hopefully this comic will be an enlightening look into his psyche

Quote:

Page 5 (4 is a blank page)

Zeiss Manifold: MORE GIANT WOMEN
InkWeaver: LOOK
InkWeaver: AT THE SIZE
InkWeaver: OF HER ASS
Zeiss Manifold: and stock photography
InkWeaver: YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING TEA ON THAT
Zeiss Manifold: OH MY GOD INKY
Zeiss Manifold: LOOK AT HER BUTT
Zeiss Manifold: IT IS SOOOO BIG
InkWeaver: are they like
InkWeaver: on a tennis court
InkWeaver: or on a roof
Zeiss Manifold: they're in an empty void
Zeiss Manifold: duh

Quote:

Page 6

Zeiss Manifold: TABLE OF CONTENTS
Zeiss Manifold: the only page without cocks

TO BE CONTINUED

_________________

Toshihiro Ono wrote:

A good masturbation will make you look forward to tomorrow

I can't imagine how we are getting overlooked here. Maybe when we post more...

IT GETS WORSE, PEOPLE.

Overlooked? No.

Too shocked and horrified by what we're hearing about? Terrified beyond the capacity for semi-rational thought?

Yeah.

O.o That man, He stares into my soul!

I don't know what's more disturbing: the pictures themselves or the Heino faces used to cover up the naughty parts.

Wait, wait, wait... the girl with socks is supposed to be... what, exactly? A minor or a really short person? Because if it's the first... daaaamn.

Zeiss, your pages are messed up. The first one in your post is the table of contents, so everything is one page down from where you want it. Might want to fix that.

Do people drool that much in real life? They look like dogs.

this is the most compelling plot I have seen in a manga

ever

period

Shit, cannot believe I missed this 'un.

Good snark guys ^.^ Loling like crazy over here!

My apologies again for the censoring - like I said, we're making this as One Rule-friendly as we can.

Quote:

Page 14

Zeiss Manifold: if only those holidays weren't consecutive, this barrage of cocks would never had happened
InkWeaver: ahahaha
InkWeaver: let it load and I shall comment
InkWeaver: She's apologizing
InkWeaver: for dragging her along
InkWeaver: but not for fucking a minor
Zeiss Manifold: priorities, people

Quote:

Page 15

Zeiss Manifold: "...and by heaven, I mean Cock Heaven."
InkWeaver: Brought me to heaven?
Zeiss Manifold: oh god, the girl's a ghost
Zeiss Manifold: that's it isn't it
Zeiss Manifold: and holy god again what is wrong with that girls' tits
Zeiss Manifold: there's perky and then there's hyperactive
InkWeaver: There's perky
InkWeaver: and then there's wandering
InkWeaver: maybe they're like...
InkWeaver: bloodhound tits
InkWeaver: they point to things
Zeiss Manifold: drug-sniffing tits
Zeiss Manifold: that probably would explain a lot about Ono

Quote:

Page 16

Zeiss Manifold: YARANAIKA
Zeiss Manifold: Ono cannot draw people eating
Zeiss Manifold: he can draw people bringing foodstuffs close to their mouths
InkWeaver: Her boner
Zeiss Manifold: and whacking them repeatedly with their tongues
InkWeaver: just unzipped her pants
InkWeaver: and popped out
Zeiss Manifold: but that's not eating
InkWeaver: It is a sentient penis.
Zeiss Manifold: she trained it
Zeiss Manifold: maybe her cock is part bloodhound too
InkWeaver: I imagine it making a noise
InkWeaver: like
InkWeaver: SPROING
Zeiss Manifold: I can definitely hear a "mwop Mwop MWOP" in the bottom middle panel there
Inkweaver: XD

Quote:

Page 17

Zeiss Manifold: ohhh
Zeiss Manifold: so that's what the ice cream represented
InkWeaver: I'M SORRY FOR MAKING IT HARD
InkWeaver: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh see I wouldn't have... known that
InkWeaver: I thought she was just eating. Artistically.
Zeiss Manifold: IKNOWRITE
Zeiss Manifold: that's symbolism for you
Zeiss Manifold: AGAIN WITH THE BOAT
Zeiss Manifold: is it going to crash into them?

Quote:

Page 18

Zeiss Manifold: "Lovey dovey sisters"?
InkWeaver: why is she fapping
InkWeaver: IN PUBLIC
InkWeaver: QUICK
InkWeaver: EAT THIS ICE CREAM
InkWeaver: MAKE IT LOOK NATURAL
Zeiss Manifold: "Uh, guys, I'm just an ice cream cone. You don't need ot perform fellatio on me, really."
InkWeaver: Passersby: They are some sisters, all right.
Zeiss Manifold: lovey dovey sisters

Quote:

Page 19

Zeiss Manifold: and now i'm lost
InkWeaver: I...
InkWeaver: hahah
InkWeaver: Passersby: "OH NO THEY'RE GONNA JUMP"
Zeiss Manifold: EAT THE ICE CREAM
InkWeaver: "oh shit... jizz?"
Zeiss Manifold: EEEEEAAAAT IT
Zeiss Manifold: uploadin' some more pages
InkWeaver: 'kay

Quote:

Page 20

Zeiss Manifold: "It is humorous as both ice cream and semen are similar in color and texture. Ha ha ha."
Inkweaver (7:50:59 PM): "Stuffs! Look how cute and illegal I am!"
Zeiss Manifold: the illusion would work better if she didn't say "orifices" in the panel before

Quote:

Page 21

Zeiss Manifold: SHE'S A MANIAC MANIAC THAT'S FOR SURE
InkWeaver: so
InkWeaver: are they related
InkWeaver: or what
Zeiss Manifold: I don't know
Zeiss Manifold: but Ono wants you to stay in school
InkWeaver: You should do your best! and have regular sex at the age of seven!
InkWeaver: Mmm mmm, statutory rape does a body good.
Zeiss Manifold: THAT'S THE SPIRIT
Zeiss Manifold: I'm sorry if I've made you feel ill through this

Quote:

Page 22

InkWeaver: pfft no
Zeiss Manifold: MWOP MWOP MWOP
InkWeaver: I don't feel ill
InkWeaver: what
InkWeaver: is that panel
Zeiss Manifold: "Your insight has led my lower body to transform into a dog!"
InkWeaver: even about?
InkWeaver: I don't get it
Zeiss Manifold: i actually know some background information regarding this
Zeiss Manifold: in Japan, copyright laws are much different
Zeiss Manifold: and there is an apparently large group of people who dedicate themselves to making fan-comics of shows, games, etc.
Zeiss Manifold: most of these are porn
Zeiss Manifold: and i believe the panel is referring to "Comiket", which i believe is like a biannual farmer's market for porn comics
Zeiss Manifold: or something
Zeiss Manifold: japan loves it
InkWeaver: I'm sure they do.
InkWeaver: Fucking Japan.
Zeiss Manifold: so tl;dr - dickgirl is embarassed that loli is aware of her position as an infulential porn artist
Zeiss Manifold: something like that
Zeiss Manifold: i don't even know if they have names
InkWeaver: Yasuka is the bigger one
Zeiss Manifold: ok
InkWeaver: loli is Hikari
Zeiss Manifold: like i said

_________________

Toshihiro Ono wrote:

A good masturbation will make you look forward to tomorrow

Lol >.< Hocrap, what the hell? If they eat ice cream no one will notice they are having sex?

This is really good (the snark, not the twisted kiddie porn.)

Your snark is absolutely amazing guys. This has got to be one of the weirdest manga I have ever seen period.

I swear to god though, Ono's people drawing skills are getting worse. His landscapes are beautiful as you've both pointed out, but he can't draw breasts at ALL.

Many internets for you.
I actually like the MS paint censoring. It makes it more hilarious because you can't see where any of the limbs join up.

Why do they have to have lolling tongues every time they orgasm? It's a bit disturbing.

Oh god those breasts!

Great snark, it makes looking at the pictures enjoyable.